You’re gonna say that I’m on a high Horse

I think that my horse is regular-sized

Did you ever think maybe

You’re on a pony

Going in circles on a carousel ride?

My heart is very heavy and everytime I close my eyes I see bugs and I feel my eyes move back and forth

side to side like I am a bug. Like when my eyes are closed I am just a fly with big kaleidoscope eyes.

Buzz, non stop buzzing sound but no one sees me and

I can be squished at any moment

I think I feel it all but imagine if I am only just a bug with a heavy heart.

There’s comfort at the bottom of a swimming pool.

I’m holding my breath for you.

There’s no doubt in my mind that if you could then you would try to crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through.

I’m permanently preoccupied with your past. I’ve been around long enough now to know that the good things never last.

How low is your self-esteem? How low could it possibly be? I know you’re in love with me and I’ve been ignoring you.

And I will do the things I think you might like and I will be alone probably the rest of my life.

There’s comfort at the bottom of a swimming pool.

If you break up with me because you don’t love me, fine. It makes me want to puke, but fine. If you break up with me because you think it’s what’s best for me? That is so condescending. I can decide what’s best. I can decide what I need. And just because I’m having a hard time it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. All you had to do was be there. Just be my boyfriend.

Say “I miss you” like a mantra ‘til I forget what it means. Doesn’t matter what you say, I just need to hear you speak.

There are hairs from my grandfather’s dead dog on the ceiling of my car
That I never noticed.
And you don’t return my calls
And maybe you think about me when I’m not there but not nearly as much as I think about you.
And pretty soon I will be my grandfather’s dead dog. All that will be left of me are stray hairs on the ceiling of your car.
And you will notice them one day, years later and realize.
You haven’t thought about me in a very long time.

I’ve been running around in circles pretending to be myself. Why would somebody do this on purpose when they could do something else? Drowning out the mourning birds, with the same three songs over and over. I wish I wrote it, but I didn’t, so I learn the words. I’m alone until the feeling is gone forever. You said “I will never be your vegetable because I think when you’re gone it’s forever.” You know I’d stand on the corner, embarrassed with a picket sign if it meant I would see you when I die. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, it’s just a matter of time before I’m hearing things. Swore I could feel you through the walls, but that’s impossible. 

There’s only one place that I want to be. It’s home with you, girl, so I can hear you breathe. With your hair up like you do. And that face that you give me when you’ve missed me.

I missed our girl so god-damn much. I smoked a lot and I feel so rough.
Guess this is just what I want to do.
Keeping half smoked smokes.

I’m only twenty three and I’ve got myself a family.

You used to have a face straight out of a magazine
Now you just look like anyone
I just had a change of heart
I feel as though I was deceived
I never found love in the city
I just sat in self-pity and cried in the car
Oh, I just had a change of heart.

Until I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, until I find you again. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

I get scared because I love you too much.